The end of the year

Yesterday was tough. Just one of those tough kind of days. I was so, so tired. Which elevates every emotion. I think I was looking for some kind of sign on my way home. That things would get better? A reminder that this life is beautiful no matter what? All of sudden, while driving home, the sky (which was already a pale pink) began to turn a deep pink. And orange. And yellow. This gorgeous fog of color seemed to just settle in around me and I kept opening and closing my eyes, wondering if it was real. And it was. And it was just so, so pretty. I took deep breaths. I smiled. I think I even laughed. I kept telling Mickey how pretty the sky was, secretly wishing that he was older and could look at the sky with me.

There really is so much to say on the last day of the year. A declaration of sorts. My birthday was difficult for me this year. I kept thinking about how I would no longer be the age I was when Mickey was born. And I am finding that my experiences these days are completely wrapped up and around him. We just moved out of our apartment and we were so happy to move from it because it was so small and in a terrible neighborhood. But when I walked out of it for the last time I felt this crazy surge of emotion, thinking about the fact that it was Mickey's first home. It was the place that held us for the first 8 months of his life. That kept us warm and safe and sound. I get caught up in those kinds of details. But just for a moment. I realize that we will always be creating new memories, that this new house will hold him and care for us in ways that all places do. I guess I am just feeling so lucky that he is my compass, my everything really.

So, 2013. The very very very best year. So many changes. But the best of all - so much love. And that is all I have ever dreamt about, all that I have yearned for since I was little. A family of my own.