A morning to move on from

I have been feeling restless, listless even. This morning was particularly hard. I stared into space for a good while. Leaned back and looked at the ceiling and felt a deep, deep sadness. An emptiness. A true sense of feeling completely at a loss. We moved to Austin almost four years ago. Almost every day since we have arrived has been hard. Tons of obstacles. Insane money issues. That never seem to end or even cease, to let us feel a moment of feeling ok. Money, such a private affair. It feels like a dirty secret.

There is a girl that I follow from afar. Her husband has been out of the country for a few weeks and will be gone even longer than that. I find myself wondering about her, what it's like to take care of a small child alone, to dream of a husband far away. So strange, wondering about someone that you have never met.

It's starting to get so hot here. Instead of talking about the cold and the snow I guess it's time to start talking about the heat. It is one of the main things. 

Listening to the Cocteau Twins reminds me of the first time that I lived alone. I must have taken great comfort in their music. All I really remember of that time is escaping the small basement apartment to book stores to read any and everything about Julia Child.